People always say that confidence is the sexiest thing about a woman, but people also fail to realize that not every woman has the highest level of confidence. How do I know? Because I’m one of those women who lacks confidence. And has lacked confidence for as long as she can remember.
From an early age, I knew I was different. I was always bigger than the other girls in my classes, and it really made me feel bad about myself. I felt like I was never accepted by anyone. Being bullied in the 7th grade didn’t make anything easier either. There were times that I contemplated suicide just so I didn’t have to deal with being the “fat” girl anymore. But I’m thankful that I didn’t go through with it. I was really reserved in school because of my weight. I never wore anything that was tight, I always wore hoodies and jeans to cover as much of my body as possible. I now realize how much worse that made it, but at the time that’s all that made me feel secure. I hardly dated throughout high school because I knew that if I wasn’t confident in myself, then I’d just be absolutely miserable. The 2 guys that I did date were complete jerks. Both of them ended up cheating on me to go to someone who was skinnier, and the most recent one really set me over the edge. I trusted him with all my heart, and he screwed me over, and something finally clicked in my head:
I shouldn’t base my value or how I feel about myself based on how a man views me.
I finally realized that I was worth more than what other people thought of me. I’m still in the process of really adopting that mindset because I’ve thought that way for so long, but I finally realized that I’m worth so much more.
Yes, I am overweight but does that make me any less than a girl who’s a size 2? No. I’m still a human being, I still have feelings, a heart, and just because I have extra baggage, doesn’t make me any less.
Yes, I have big arms that I’m very self conscious about. But does that give someone, especially a man, the right to point it out? Absolutely not because it’s not his body, never has been , never will be his body. I get it, appearance is a lot in a relationship these days, but you know what, FUCK SOCIETIES STANDARDS OF WHAT BEAUTIFUL IS.
I have a stomach, I have stretch marks, I have bigger arms, I have thighs that touch, but does that honestly mean I’m not beautiful? To some, yeah that means I’m not beautiful. If I can’t fit into a size 8 or below jean, a size medium or smaller shirt or a two piece bikini that barely covers my nipples and vagina, then I’m not considered beautiful because that’s the way society, and stuck up pricks, says the standards should be.
I’ll never be a size 2 in my life. I will never be a size 4 or 6 or 8 in my life for that matter. I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to lose weight, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try.
But the fact of the matter is: every woman is beautiful, myself included. It’s taken me 19 years to figure this out, and yes, I’m still having a hard time realizing that my worth isn’t base on a number on a scale. After being put down, bullied, and made out to be some monster because I don’t weigh 108 pounds, it’s hard to realize that I’m worth more than what society has brainwashed me, and almost every other woman, into thinking we’re worth if we’re not picture perfect, top model size.
I’m learning to be proud of who I am, extra weight and all. I’m learning that if a man can’t handle a little extra something something, then he doesn’t deserve me, because I should be loved for more than how I look. I’m learning that if people can’t be my friend because I’m not skinny like them, then they lost out on a damn good friend because my size doesn’t determine how I function in a friendship or what I’m able to put out in a friendship. I’m learning that I can do anything that I want to do regardless of what size I am, and that I’m a damn good person. I’m learning that I’m sick and tired of trying to live up to societies standards of beautiful because I’m beautiful no matter what. No two people are the same, yet the world tries to make us believe that we have to look like a Victoria’s Secret model to be accepted, and that’s bullshit.
When it comes down to it, there’s one simple thing that I tell myself: I can lose the weight if I work hard enough, which I am. But the people of this world who decide to judge based off of a fucking number on a scale? They can’t lose their arrogance. They can’t lose their shitty ass views of life. They can’t lose their shallowness, and they usually always try when they see someone come up from being put down better than ever.
So to everyone who has ever judged me based on the fact that I have extra weight, FUCK YOU. Because while you’re sitting their in your shallow ass puddle, I will be succeeding in life. I will continue to learn to love myself because I AM WORTH MORE THAN YOUR WORDS AND YOUR VIEWS. YOU DO NOT DETERMINE MY LIFE ANYMORE. I am beautiful the way that I am. So you can take a seat, and watch with all the other haters at how much I’ll achieve in my life. Thank you, honestly, for being my motivation to learn to love myself to conquer your views though. You did me a favor in the end.
Simply... Me 